Recognizing and Releasing Resistances

I saw them.

The moment I courageously faced all my fears, I saw the resistances that hid within my own inner self.

As I tried to brush the fears away by thinking positive thoughts, it worked sometimes and it didn’t work in other times.

Then I began to hear 2 voices within me, fighting between each other. One part of me was telling me that things weren’t as bad as they seem, but the other part of me kept telling me not to be silly and naive.

I was trying to resist the fears that rose in me! And for some reasons, the devil’s evil was always louder and stronger.

Human minds are really complicated and most of the time stupid, for we always tend to believe negative thoughts more than our positive thinking.

I have come to realize that when I begin to have negative thoughts, all sorts of emotions will start to develop in me, and this was what I have experienced or learned as I began to be more aware of my inner being and face my fears.

I have read in books that we should not suppress our emotions, instead, we should “be with them” or “let them be”. And Dr. Hawkins in his book “Letting Go” said: “Let go of wanting to resist the feeling, it is resistance that keeps the feeling going”, seems to hit the nail right on the spot.

Resistance is the process of trying to argue with my ego or inner child what is right and what is wrong amidst all the emotions that arise in my heart.

And if I am not aware of my thoughts, I will always be controlled by my fears. And the moment I dare to look at fears in their eyes, the fears may not be gone immediately, but at least, I learn how to let the fears be and not react to it.

It is through mindfulness that I have become more aware but being aware is not enough for it does not really help me get out of the emotions. Instead, it may possibly end up having internal fight within myself, trying to figure out what is the truest of truth.

Some of the fears were easily managed by diverting attention or changing my view point, but there are definitely deep rooted beliefs that my ego held so strong that it just kept telling me that the negative thoughts are real and the positive ones are just daydreaming.

And the cycle goes on and on and I began to be controlled by my ego and became a slave to it.

So in the process of observing my thoughts recently, I am glad that I am now more aware and sharper as time goes by. I have learned not to react immediately to negative thoughts but that doesn’t mean I am feeling good. When my negative thoughts trigger my emotions, my first reaction is to observe what kind of emotion that was, was it sadness or anxiety? Was it painful or feeling victimized? Was it lack of trust or feeling helpless? And then I realized that all these emotions are really a result of fears.

As I face my fears, I learn to practice being with the emotions triggered by the fears without judgement. The result is the reduction of resistances that I hold within my heart and let them go slowly. That is how I can really prevent my ego from controlling me and clear all my roadblocks with courage.

Recognizing my resistances and releasing them is probably one of the better approaches I have come across and it seems to work for me, at least for now.

As Buddhism has always taught: Let go and we become free. Let nature takes its course and we live a free life.

15.05.2019

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