Anchoring my beliefs / 扎实我的信念

I am left-handed but I kick with my right leg.

I was born in 197o and it should be a “dog” year in Chinese Horoscope, but the old year in the Chinese calendar wasn’t over, so I am a rooster.

My birthday is 2o January and I am always lost between Capricorn and Aquarius.

The above has always made me feel confused, and in reality, I complicate matters often and make a mess in my life.

l love to sing, but l can’t sing very well although still bearable.

l love to read, and may know a bit of Chinese proverbs, I haven’t really written anything that touch the readers’ heart.

I love Chinese Kung fu and always feel that it is a beautiful art, but other than some self-learned somersaults, I didn’t have a chance to learn martial arts properly.

The above made me feel like I am greedy, Jack of all trades, but master of none.

With the lack of confidence and limiting beliefs, l created a life that is boring and purposeless.

About 8 years ago, l met with the first major bottleneck of my life and started penning my thoughts down. This led to an Improvement to my prose writing.

Incidentally, l snapped a picture in 2014 that l like very much and wanted to have my own style in photography. I began learning photography on my own through the internet. And soon, I picked up “videography” too, which was never in my plan.

Although the pictures that I took are ok, but still remain as amateur .

When I was young, I was told that left-handed people are different from the rest, especially when we use our right brain to think . And I was also told that left-handed people are creative. But for most of my life, my hobbies and interests and whatever I did have got nothing to do with arts. I have never believed that I was a creative creature and often told others that creativity is a stranger to me, especially drawings.

I have “tried” to draw before and it never turn out well, not a single bit.

However, my experiences in whatever that I have learned in the recent past years told me that as long as I put my heart in it, I will be able to pick up a new skill anytime.

A few months back, I was rewarding myself (retail therapy) by getting an iPad for myself, and with that, I came upon drawing and doodling on the iPad with the Apple Pencil.

It was honestly just for fun but soon, I began to want to prove to myself that I can draw too, even if it’s not going to be as realistic as I wish to be.

Once again, I searched the internet for tutorials in sketching and also bought myself a set of pencils, erasers, blending stump and began to learn to sketch.

I was persistent and sketched almost every day, before work, while traveling on the bus, after work and neglected the other things.

Soon, I realized that I can sketch a decent picture and my confidence level increased.

Today, my belief that I am not good in drawing has changed. I’m still not creative, but I do have some talent in arts, even though I am “copying”from others and still do not have my own style in writing, photography and drawing.

There are many things that have happened in the past 10 years that I could never imagined of, and soon I understand that our beliefs are controlling our lives in a certain way.

As long as we believe in ourselves, the result will be somewhat close to what we wish to do or wish for. Although I have learned from Buddhism that every experience we go through is a result of cause and effect, I am also increasing my belief that my destiny can be changed through changing my belief system.

It has been 3 months since I last penned my thoughts. I have neglected my blog and writing for the sake of proving myself and strengthening my belief. Through beliefs, I learned to face the reality with courage even if life give me many many challenges.

I want to mange my old and limiting beliefs, either I change them or I throw them away and anchor new beliefs into my own subconscious mind. Only with this change will I be able to see a new horizon ahead of me.

Anchoring my new beliefs, believe that I am worthy, believe that I have my own talent, and through these talents such as writing, photography, videography and now drawings, I hope to put them together and create my own worth. I hope to use my talents to contribute to the society, leading all the lost souls towards the path of light, and at the same time, shine upon myself!

12.08.2019

Francis Lim

我是一个左撇子,却用右脚踢球。

我生于阳历1970年,明明应该是“狗“年,却因为农历新年还没到,就算是属鸡了。

我的生日在1月20日,往往迷失于摩羯座与水瓶座之间。

以上的三点,让我感觉自己是一个很复杂的人,而事实上,我也经常把事情看得太复杂,把事件弄得乱七八糟,甚至在人生也是七零八乱。

我喜欢唱歌,虽然唱得不差,但也不会特好。

我喜欢看书,虽然懂得一些成语,却无法写出感人肺腑的作品。

我喜欢中国功夫,总觉得那是一种很美的体操,可是除了自学自会的翻筋斗之外,身体僵硬,而且没有机会真正学过武术。

以上的三点,让我感觉自己是一个贪多嚼不烂的人,什么都懂一点点,却没有一项是真正专业的。

于是,缺乏信心的我被这限制性的信念,慢慢地磨成了铁一般的事实,成为一个平庸乏味的人。

大约8年前,我遇到了人生的第一个瓶颈,开始了写作的习惯。我经常在夜深人静的时刻,在手机上敲敲打打,敲出了我的心声,也让自己的写作更上一层楼。

后来,无意中拍了一张我很喜欢的照片,便想要在摄影上独树一帜。于是便开始阅读,搜查以及研究摄影,网络与书就是我的老师。从摄影到录影的延伸,也是始料不及的。

虽然相片还可以亮相,终究未能入流。

从小的时候就听许多人对我说左撇子与人不同,尤其是脑袋,而且还是特有创意的人。可是,我的前半生的兴趣爱好,所作所为,与艺术都毫无关系。因为我从来就不相信自己是一个有创意的人,时常告诉别人我没有艺术细胞,尤其是画画,总是画虎不似反类犬,有时根本就不知道自己在画些什么。

但是我这几年所学过的技能,都告诉了我一点:只要我肯学习,我还是能够办得到的。

几个月前,为了奖赏自己,买了一台iPad给自己,无意间邂逅了绘画。

起初只是带着好玩的心态去涂涂画画,后来却变成想要证明自己有限的天分。我告诉自己,我一定能够学会画画,哪怕只是皮毛。

我在网络Youtube寻找画画的技术,买了真材实料,开始学画画。当然我的头几张图画简直无法见人,但我坚持不懈,几乎每天都在作画。渐渐地开始了有点似模似样,信心倍增,更加不肯放弃。

今天,我终于可以改变我的信念。

我不是很有创意,但在艺术方面,我还是有一些天分,尽管很多时候我都是在“抄袭”别人的作品,时至今日都没有自己独有的风格。

曾经以为不可能的事在这将近十年的时光都慢慢地发生,渐渐地明了人的一生都是我们的信念在操纵。

只要愿意相信自己,结果一定会与我们所期盼的有几分相似。

虽然从佛学中明白了因果循环,相信命运就在前生种下了。但是,我也相信命运能因坚定的信念而改变。

屈指一算,离我最后一次写作已经有三个月了。前些日子,为了画画,我把写作搁下,只为了扎实我的信念。唯有信念才能让我们持之以恒,勇敢地面对生活上不断给予的挑战。

我要把我旧有的,限制性的信念全部都挖出来,或是把它们整理,或是把它们丢弃,改变信念,扎实新的信念,相信自己会有一个新的天地!

为我的信念扎根,相信自己的价值,明了自己的技能,从写作,摄影,录影直至绘画,希望能够将它们融会贯通,创造出自己的人生价值,奉献给社会,为正在迷途中的羔羊点燃一丝光明,也为自己绽放一丝光辉!

12.08.2019

林顺源

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