Be compassionate to myself 忘了把慈悲留给自己

I tried to pick up the thoughts that toppled and spilled all over the floor, but there was nothing I could do.

The quietness outside the window and the rumbling in my heart became a big contrast, just like earth and heaven.

The sky was dark with no star, no moon and the wind was quiet, as if the old trees were all asleep.

Sometimes, I just want to pamper myself by doing nothing and thinking nothing, and just waste the precious time away by sitting quietly.

And so , I sat quietly in the dark.

Out of boredom that day, I picked another picture of Kuan Yin and began to draw her face again.

Perhaps, that was another form of killing my time, and allowed my rumbling thoughts to settle and find my true self through each sketch of the drawing.

This picture was not as complicated as the last but it was not any easier as expected.

Every stroke was carefully drawn, or at least I thought so. But I also know that I can do much better than that.

The Heart Sutra says: With no attachment, there’s no fear, and henceforth we keep ourselves away from dreams that mislead us.

If I am to view it from another angle and free myself from fears that my drawing will not be accepted by viewers, would it be easier for me to push my talent to the fullest?

Theories are always easy to understand but when it comes to practice, it is so god damn difficult, for we as human beings are always concerned on how others look at us and our work.

This was apparent as I was concerned that my drawing would be too ugly to share with others. And so I took care to draw each stroke, and repeated the strokes whenever I was not satisfied.

As Chyi’s marvelous voice dance around my ears with her singing of the Heart Sutra, my mind was filled with the loving look on Kuan Yin’s face, with tears of compassion around the corners of her eyes, feeling for all sentient beings who are still suffering.

And I prayed silently: If ever I can, I want to draw all of Kuan Yin’s portrait and with every portrait, I will send my blessings to all sentient beings in this world.

I wish for all to be liberated from sufferings and live a joyful life.

But then I forgot to be compassionate to myself….

19.09.2019

Francis Lim

不小心把满怀的思绪打翻,散了一地,想要捡拾却发现无从下手。

窗外的静谧与内心的翻腾竟成了极大的对比,是天与地之间的隔离。

乌漆麻黑的天空无星无月,无形的风也是静止的,仿佛那一棵棵老树也都在沉睡着。

偶尔,总会想要放纵自己,什么也不做,什么也不想,就这样静静地把那段时光消耗掉。

静静地……静静地……

那天,在无聊之际,我再次提起笔,选了另一张观音菩萨的脸,开始用心地画。

或许,那也是另一种消耗时光的方式,让我只可以把散乱的思绪整理,在一笔一画之间,追寻自己的本真。

这一次的图片没有上次的那张那么复杂,却也不如想象中那么容易。

每一笔每一划都是经过细心处理的,至少我是那样想的。但我也知道我还是能够做得更好,更细腻。

心经里说:心无挂碍,无挂碍故,无有恐怖,远离颠倒梦想……

如果以另一个角度去诠释,若是我能够心无挂碍,不在乎画得像不像,美不美,不在乎外人的眼光,是否能够无尽的发挥我的才能呢?

许多道理很容易看得懂,但是实行起来却不知为何是那么地困难,明明知道只要心无所系,自己的情绪就不会被别人的言行举止所牵引,可偏偏就是那么在意他人的想法与观点。

在作画的时候,我在乎着作品是否能够见人,于是便战战兢兢地挥笔,每一个笔划都要重复好几次。

耳机里一直传来齐豫动人的歌声:观自在菩萨,行深般若波罗蜜多时,照见五蕴皆空,渡一切苦厄……

美妙的歌声,脑海里尽是观音菩萨一脸的慈悲,眼角的泪光晶莹剔透,难过于世人的执著。

心里默默想着:如果可以,我希望能够画尽天下观音菩萨的脸,在每一次作画的时候,都把祝福奉献给红尘里的每一个众生。

我希望众生都能够离苦得乐,脱离尘世间的烦恼。

但我却忘了把祝福留给自己,也忘了把慈悲留给自己……

19.09.2019

林顺源

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s