A long day

It’s been a long day today, really long.

By the time I reached home, it was almost 10pm and I felt exhausted.

After shower, I made a cup of coffee and decided to browse through my emails to see if there is any urgent issue to attend to.

Then the phone rang in the room, it was from my manager, and I looked at the clock on my iPad, it was 10.23pm.

Too lazy to walk into the room to pick up the call, I let it be, trying my best to maintain my cool.

10 minutes later, the phone rang again, it was him again. And I thought to myself, was it really that urgent? I picked up and had a brief conversation and answered his queries calmly, maintaining my cool.

Then message popped up again, and I blew my top and started blasting. I knew very well that I have lost my cool.

Reflecting on how my day went today, I am really amazed how much I can conceal my disappointments, frustrations and unhappiness nowadays.

Frankly speaking, I wasn’t feeling very good, in fact quite upset after I found out something really close to my heart. My heart sank as disappointments quickly filled my heart.

I was aware that it was my own problem. It was some kind of my own expectation that wasn’t met and I couldn’t blame anyone.

I let it be and continued with my day as if nothing has happened. I attended conference call, did trials and testing for my projects, discussed and even joked, no unhappiness on my face.

But the moment I was alone, I felt terrible in my heart. I searched within and wished I could let go of what was bothering me.

Perhaps, my mood swing was triggered by the disappointment that I tried to bury.

Then I told myself, my happiness lies in my own hands, nobody is going to be concern of how I feel and how I am doing. I just have to mange it myself and change myself.

And so I will.

I am more than worthy, and I don’t need to beg for worthiness from the others…

I rest my case and shall not say and hope anymore.

It’s going to be a long journey… and I shall walk alone…

05.03.2020

Francis Lim

12:15am

Categories: self-love, thoughts

Tagged as: ,

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