If I have a choice…

08 March 2020.

Sunday.

It was sunny in the morning and suddenly it poured around 1pm. As the Chinese saying that goes, the sky is unpredictable, and so is life.

Things can change in a wink of an eye, relationship can turn sweet or sour overnight, and many a times, we can’t see to find the explanation to each and every thing that happens around us.

Impermanence.

I spent the morning clearing some of my work and project details. And the rest of the day was spent on sketching on paper and drawing on iPad Pro.

It is often said that practise makes perfect. While I don’t believe in perfectionism, I do believe that practise does make one’s skill improve, especially when time is limited.

In these few months of learning how to sketch and draw, I have come to realise that I am not that good in differentiating colour and tones. More often than not, my sketches or “painting” seem to be so much off from the original, and colours used are always different.

Anyway, I continue to practise from basic by sketching my Jabra Elite 75T true wireless earbuds. The result isn’t very satisfactory but I make do with it.

After sketching, I had a sudden urge to see how it will look like if I do it on Procreate.

And so I did, but the result isn’t really good as well. In fact, it isn’t as realistic as pencil sketching.

I had a 40 minutes meditation in between, which proved to be great. It helped to calm my mind down, or perhaps, my mind was already calmed as I did my sketches.

Mindfulness is something that I picked up two years back, but I know very well that I have not been practising it every day. As much as I want to, I am always distracted by the numerous thoughts that come into my mind. By the time I become aware, I would have drifted very far.

Recently, I am feeling mentally tired. I am still young, I often tell myself, then why am I mentally tired almost every day? Is the work getting too tiring for me? Or is the environment getting worse than before?

For years, I’ve been thinking of changing my job, for I am honestly tired of pursuing KPIs and managing all the different kinds of corporate issues.

If I have a choice, I really wish I can leave this place, leave everything behind and lead a life that I wish to live.

But I do not know yet what kind of life I want and can I ever let go of everything and lead a new life in a place where nobody knows me.

This day may come and I hope it comes soon.

I know everyone will tell me, I do have a choice. And I agree, I do have a choice.

If only I have the courage to drop everything, I will have no attachment to anything and anybody.

Then I will be free.

Then I will learn and practise and share my knowledge with others, helping others to be free and happier.

The choice is mine… I know.

08.03.2020

Francis Lim

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