Everyone is struggling…

10 March 2020.

It’s a sunny and warm day but kind of a more relax day for me.

Waking up early in the morning has its advantages and most importantly is that I have ample time to do what I need to do, and on top of that, I may have time to do other things.

Perhaps it was the first time that I tried to draw something with any reference, and I couldn’t even imagine myself drawing a simple thing like a banana in the past.

So, I am pretty happy with the banana that I have drawn before I left the house for work, and without any reference!

Today went by smoothly, without much rush and I took my time to do whatever I needed to do. The meeting with 2 close colleagues took more time than we expected, as we injected jokes and topics outside the project that we were discussing.

Then I realised that many people are really struggling in their life, not in monetary sense, not in wealth, not in health but in work.

Corporate life seems to have changed so much as the world changes every year. With technology advancement and innovations, all of us just want things to happen quicker and easier. That adds more stress to the already stressful work life.

Work life balance has been preached in many ways, and corporate organisations also “wish” to go that way. Unfortunately, reality isn’t so.

With automation, it is believed that people can be more efficient and productive, which at times I really wonder the truth in it. More automation, more cost savings, and then more work added in order to achieve more. More, more and more.

And it’s never ending, which sometimes I relate to the human greed.

I am deemed as an anti-social animal by my department management team, except my ex manager. But interestingly, they do not know that I work quite well with other departments and have a handful of quite close colleagues who can crack personal jokes, gossip and “bitch”, and even share some little sensitive thoughts about the organisation.

Sometimes, I see that my relationship with these other departments are much better than they are, or at least I think so.

My department head gives me a nickname: “zen master” for he knows that I do meditate everyday. And , there are times when other people told me that I am “zen” as we gossiped and let out our frustrations at work. They feel that I was pretty cool with all the stress, nonsense and pressures that I am going through, being a one man operation handling a few projects at the same time, and yet running and resolving operational issues.

And many a times, I told them to just see things from another perspective, which I know 50% of the time, I am unable to practise it myself. But to them, they are quite amazed by my coolness.

To be honest, I do not know am I really overloaded, for I have many pockets of time to have a breather every day. There are times when multiple projects are running at the same time and I had to put my emails behind my head and let them flood.

I do have my fair share of frustrations in the projects I am managing or involved in, and I view them as just my responsibility to make it happen. I may feel mentally and physically tired at the end of the day, and even upset over how things turn out to be. But I try to remind myself that everyone is struggling and in order to survive, one will need to just take care of themselves.

I used to mix my personal issues with work and the result impacted my health and work. Now, I try as much as possible to practise what I learn from books and put them to good use. I am still having personal issues but I can handle them easier now.

I don’t bury myself in work just to escape from my personal pain, instead, I work towards facing these pain and let them stay in my heart. I can let my tears roll down my cheeks, I can let my heart pricked by an invisible needle, I can let my mood affects me and feel down, but I will not suppress these feelings anymore.

It is normal for a person to feel down once in a while. Most importantly is to be able to look up again and tell myself that I am what I am, I do what I can, and I love with all my heart.

As to things that are beyond my control, I leave it to the invisible hand that controls this world.

10.03.2020

Francis Lim

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