Fools Day

01 April 2020.

It’s April Fool’s day.

The world seems more solemn than in the past years as the COVID-19 continues to haunt the hearts of the people where there are huge outbreaks.

But to say that we are all fools isn’t far from truth as well, for only fools will get stressed and frustrated over matters that don’t really concern life and death.

After dinner, I had an urge to bring the two old folks to the park for a walk. And I also took the opportunity to make full use of my Apple Watch to capture my activity.

Night was falling though not totally dark yet as we walked towards the park.

There wasn’t much conversation as usual, but I just wanted to get them out of the house and get near to nature. The walk was slow for me, but kind of peaceful. I had the intention to let dad appreciate the peace in nature as I started to share with him what I have learned in these few years.

As I walked behind them, I took a snapshot to send to my siblings. And it suddenly triggered a weird feeling within me.

When we were small, they were the ones walking behind us as we run around and now, I was the one walking behind them as they walked slowly in front.

It took us slightly more than an hour to walk about 3 kilometres and mom was sweating by the time we reached home.

I do not know how did they feel, but I felt great myself as I have had about half an hour of peace. The first 20 minutes was on the call with Kok Keong who wanted to catch up with me on how I am doing in my work recently.

For dad, I have had a few sessions with him, sharing with him how we should not worry so much as we are all sound and safe. I know it’s easier said than done, for all over-worrying in itself is an illness that is not easy to cure.

I shared with him my view point, and told him to look at things from a different perspective, that his children and grandchildren are all well, while there are many others out there struggling to battle the COVID-19 virus.

The whole company’s staffs have been told to work from home from today onwards, as there is a suspected case in our building. And therefore I decided to keep a distance from everybody in my house.

If it happens that I am contracted, at least I have done my part to “prevent” them from being infected.

Am I worried? To say not at all is a lie, but I will want to learn to accept anything that may happen. So I take it very easy. Back of my mind, as long as the thought came, I will tell myself: It’s ok, if it happens, it happens. It’s just part and parcel of life, I have loved the way I want to love, I have done my part (may not be the best) as a person. There is one more regret in my life, but I accept come what may.

I do not know how long this work from home will last but I do know that business is still on-going and people are still getting stressed over performance.

At times, I really feel like asking them: does your performance really matter anymore if there is a sudden outbreak in Singapore and everyone can contract the virus as easy as just stepping out of the house?

Recently, I have been quite amazed by my own inner being’s performance. although I have my fair share of frustrations here and there, but I realised I could handle these frustrations in a calmer way. Of course, my frankness and honesty have allowed me to make remarks that I shouldn’t be saying, but I tend to believe that I have made considerable thoughts before saying them out.

Perhaps it has to do with my daily meditation and my sketching, which somehow give me the peace that I am seeking while doing them.

I was sketching this Buddha face 2 days back, it is not completed yet and I am hoping that it will turn out the way I want it to be.

I am thankful that my ex manager Kok Keong has reminded me once in a while to be cautions with my remarks and comments. While I may not fully agree with him, I have to agree that it is most unfortunate that it is reality that I need to face, and also we are working in a corporate organisation.

At times, I struggle between keeping silence and speaking out my mind. So I tend to look within during my meditation and seek the answers.

I may or may not have found the answers but certainly it helps in my impulsiveness.

And so I tell myself, it’s time to stay in silence, because if a person doesn’t want to help himself, and continuously thinking of taking advantage of others, there is no point in me trying to help.

Somehow, I just love this quote from an YouTube video: Do not correct a fool, or he will hate you. Correct a wise man and he will appreciate you…

It is so true for this is what I am going through.

Then I realise, I am also a fool, and so I rest my case…

01.04.2020

Francis Lim

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