02 May 2020.
This week has been a great week.
First of all, dad is recovering, I hope.
He has stopped coming over to my house and heeded my advice to stay at home since he has been feeling weak. Besides, he has acknowledged that his anxiety has got to do with the way mom treated him, and hence, he is avoiding seeing mom for the time being.
I had a chat with dad on Tuesday night as he made his decision not to come to our house during this period of circuit breaker. As we took a slow stroll under the MRT track, I shared with him what I’ve learned these few years, and how I look at life itself.
He was worried that I am worried about him. I told him not to worry about me worrying for I have learned to let go at certain point in time. I was honest with him, that I will be worried but will not be for long period of time.
This is really something that I have learned these few years, and as much as I will still worry about certain things, I will always remind myself that there are things that are beyond my control, and tomorrow may never come.
Then I received news that I’ve won the APEC CIO award under the Individual Category. I am after all human and not saint nor sage and therefore I am happy from within, especially when this award was nominated by the regional colleagues and not from within our department, for sometimes, nomination is just a game of politics.
I am comforted that my offer to help and sharing of my knowledge has been appreciated, at least from the people who benefitted indirectly, as opposed to the lack of trust displayed locally.
It has always been one of my interests to be able to do something different from my job scope. But many a times, I procrastinated and sometimes it was due to lack of confidence and commitment.
But this week, I completed my own initiative of creating a selling / demonstration kit within a week. It was self satisfaction that I was seeking, a challenge I gave myself, perhaps also something that has to do with my ego, to prove that I am different from the others.
Knowing that my initiative may once again benefits others, I am happy. It may be vanity, it may be pride, but at the end of the day, I am vain and proud with valid reasons.
My birthday gift for my best friend is already on the way. It is a well thought of gift that fills with love, and I am happy that I have purchased something that is as meaningful as the gift I have chosen.
It has been a great week, but still, I find something amiss.
I do not know why, but it just feel like there is emptiness in within my heart. Perhaps, when whatever I want to achieve has already been achieved, there is nothing else I can look forward or let my mind and soul to rely on.
So I picked up the pencils and sketched “furiously” for 2 days.
First, I searched for a picture of one of my favourite actress many years ago and started sketching on Friday. The picture turned out to be fine though it doesn’t look like the actress at all.
Not feeling satisfied and easily defeated, I tried to sketch the same picture again with time lapse recording this time. Still, the outcome didn’t turn out to be the woman whom I wised to draw. After examining it for a long time, I noticed that the nose was too long and small. The picture was slightly out of proportion.
After dinner, I decided to sketch another current actress, this time round a western celebrity. When I looked at the completed sketch, I laughed at myself for drawing such a horrible picture. It has proven to me once again that sketching at night was a horrible choice.
No more sketching at night, I told myself and then I smiled.
It’s just another practice and I can always learn from my mistakes.
As I look at the below quote that I saw on YouTube, I am glad that I have been trying my best to practise it:
“Smile, it make you feel better. Pray, it will keep you going. Love, it will make you enjoy life.”
If tomorrow doesn’t come for me, I have smiled to make myself feel better, I have prayed for my loved ones to be well and I have showered love on those whom I love.
What else can I ask for?