Don’t need to impress…
12 July 2020.
I have been very hard working this couple of weeks, working hard even on my leave days, weekends and public holidays.
The projects that I am working on are not my usual work, and I look at it as something that is extra curriculum.
But having said that, I don’t feel a bit of tiredness, instead I feel a sense of achievement every time I complete one task.
I do not deny at some point in time, as I relaxed myself in a corner, I wondered what am I pursuing and what are these hard work for.
Am I just doing my best in whatever assignments that I have been given?
Am I trying to prove to others that I am capable?
Am I doing this to please someone or to make someone feel that I am the right choice for the job.
Am I doing this to help the others?
Am I genuinely wanting to contribute and share my knowledge with my fellow colleagues?
Or am I just trying to prove my worthiness towards someone?
As I pondered over the above questions, all of them are pointing to an egoistic self except the one on sharing my knowledge.
I become conscious on the amount of time I am putting in, as I begin to see some deep unknown truths in whatever I am doing.
Perhaps, it is really my ego.
It was just this morning that I had a great start of the day, reminding myself to be free from all that are binding me, be it love or hatred.
I had one of my best meditation of 70 minutes last night, and it was during that meditation that I saw myself feeling mentally tired at times, for I have been constantly giving out and getting little back.
I understand very well that giving without expecting anything back is the the purest way of giving. I am however still a sentient being learning how to live a mindful life.
And when I think deeper into my hard working days, I know that it is time for me to let go of all that do not serve me anymore, including love.
I really don’t wish to impress anybody anymore and the below quote says it best: