Like it or not, life is just full of un-finished work and imperfections.
Much as I try, there are always work that I cannot finish or promises that I cannot deliver yet, leaving a sense of guilt or regret buried deep in my heart.
I have begun to resume my routine in 2017, when I spent my time looking within, meditating and searching for the truth of life.
Breaking off from my recent routine, I shut down my notebook, wrote, read and then meditated and by 10pm last night, I was already on my bed drifting off to sleep.
It was 4am when I opened my eyes and got off from bed.
Waking up in the morning at 4am is to most of the people around me, including my co-workers, an agony. Sleep seems to be very important to most of them, yet for them to sleep around 10pm is another painful matter.
Much has been talked about having 7-8 hours of sleep is key to a healthier lifestyle, but I have always had the challenge of reaching this number.
If I am to sleep at 9pm, perhaps I will wake up by 2 or 3am, and sometimes worse, 12 midnight just to find myself having another sleepless night. If I sleep around 11pm, it will then be 5am. It’s most of the time 6 hours or less of sleep for me.
The muscle strain on the left arm and stiffness of the 10 fingers make sleeping even more uncomfortable. At times, I thought that whatever that I am going through was some kind of karma for those things that I have done wrong.
With no regrets, I stand by my own opinion that things have happened for some sort of reason, either to allow me to experience a more complete life or learn something in my journey.
I started the day with the sketch of my most recent selfie, one that I took on Saturday before I went for the charity work.
It isn’t complete, and I called it as un-finished art piece. It is indeed incomplete, just like my life, full of un-finished work, incomplete memories and imperfections.
Fortunately, as I learned how to accept things as they are, I am allowing peace to fill my heart momentarily throughout the day.
I have accepted the fact that life is never perfect, and imperfections, just like impermanence, is the one thing that is almost constant in this world.
Interestingly, it is imperfections that make perfection so much sought after, and only imperfections can really make a life complete.
Imagine a perfect life with no pain, no worries, no sufferings, no tears, no nothing, it would most likely be a life that is as dull as the colour grey. A perfect life may not even know what true happiness and joy are, for there is no basis of comparison.
Imperfections in life is then the key to a complete life.
Sounds contradicting but it is what I feel at this point in time.
I am thankful though, that I am still kicking and alive, even if there are pains here and there, physically and mentally.
While there are many un-finished matters in my life, I choose to believe that there are reasons behind all these, and what I can do now is to shower my love on those whom I love, regardless whether they are near or far away from me.
All I wish for is that they will lead a blissful life, with or without me……
That’s all I ask for.