Walking alone / 一个人走
Sunday evening, the sky was like the greyish mess in my sketches as I left my house.
I thought it would pour soon, but it didn’t.
Roaming aimlessly, I ended up in the mall with full of people and was suddenly struck by a sense of loneliness.
I thought that I have already gotten use to being alone (that is my current practice), and thought that by letting go, I would be freed, instead, I was bothered by other matters in this sentient world.
Even though there were many people in the mall, I was separated from their world. And as I stood alone in a less crowded place, I observed the crowds, allowing my thoughts to fly and thought about life and many facades of mankind.
It wasn’t long before I packed a box of Oyako Don home and ate my dinner with full of thoughts, totally forgotten about mindfulness.
At times, I love to re-watch old movies which left deep thoughts in my mind and last night, I picked “Hunger Games” – a show that depicts the ugliness of human kind out of the will to survive.
It is honestly not a pleasant movie, and I didn’t get to finish it as I was too tired.
It was a last minute decision to take two days off today and tomorrow, as I wanted to let my unsettled mind rest, and also to complete a task that was given to me before lunch.
I took two hours in the morning to sketch the icon of the movie, “Hunger Games” – the sign of a mocking jay in burning fire. But my skill was not at all good and thus wasn’t able to sketch the fiery bird and arrow, and that made the completed artwork one that displayed a lack of heart in it.
The sun was scorching as I walked along the street after lunch. It was demonstrating it’s power proudly through the unwavering heat and I was sticky throughout by the time I reached home.
Rushing into the toilet, and not forgetting to turn on the air conditioner, I took a cold shower to cool myself down and continued with the rest of the “Hunger Games” movie.
“Hunger Games” tells the story about the tragedy of peasants whose lives and destinies are controlled by the wealthy society. It is all about the ugliness and brutality displayed by young men and women in order to fight for their lives – to survive.
Even though it is just a story, a movie, but it has undoubtedly stated the cruelty of our society, from the past till today. Haven’t mankind’s hearts been engulfed by greed, desires and the need to survive for many centuries? That’s the core of Buddha’s teachings (or at least that is my understanding) – the root of all sufferings.
And in reality, such matters are there for us to witness, and more often than not, some people neglected the fact that others are going through some hard time, and even forgotten that they themselves have been through the same hardship before, and yet choose to bury their own souls just because they need to survive.
I am honestly thankful that I have learned much in these few years, and though I have not really reached the state of slipping into the other party’s shoes, I reflect upon myself regularly to ensure that my words and actions will not cause too much hurt to another.
After all, I have not come to the point of life and death yet.
Knowing that the colleague whom I have been trying to mentor and help will be leaving soon, I feel a little bit heavy and gloomy within.
But the future is always an unknown and his departure may open a new path to a new world for him, I should feel happy for him.
Just like a person walking his path alone, there may be obstacles along the way, but it is definitely better than living a life with hopes that may not be fulfilled.
May the odds be ever in his favour – and I wish my friend.