Preface / 自序

Life is strange.

Last year, someone told me this and now I can’t agree more.

Life is truly strange that anything can happen anytime, anywhere and many a times, catch us off guard. In Buddhism, this is referred to as impermanence, or karma (cause and effect). It is no doubt that if we are to dwell deeper into the Buddhist teachings, we will realise it speaks nothing but the truth.

My life has been smooth most of my life, and very often I was feeling painful in life due to the unlimited wants that a sentient being hold within his heart. If only I could let go of all desires, I’d be happier.

The theories of Buddhism and many other spiritual guides are easy to comprehend but to practise them is always the biggest challenge one would face. At certain point in time, I co-relate this to our belief system, how much do we believe in these teachings, or are we just trying to believe and testing these teachings out?

It is said that our external world is a reflection of our inner thoughts and whatever we experience in reality are not real. Sounds absurd especially when we can see, smell, hear, touch and feel. How can that be not real?

The beating of the hearts, the piercing pain when we feel upset, the surroundings that we can see and touch, are so real that it is hard to believe they are just our imagination.

In the Diamond Sutra, Buddha said: “All that we experience are all not real. And if we can acknowledge that, we will find the Buddha within us.” I tried very hard and still trying very hard to convince myself this statement that Buddha made is real.

I have read in books that there is the “me” within me and that is my true self. This is taught in Buddhism and many books such as “The Untethered Soul”, “The Power of Now” etc. So then who am I? What is the purpose of me coming to this world? And where is my destiny?

In life, we need to expect the unexpected, and this sounds contradicting. If we are expecting the unexpected, then isn’t it expected? I had this interesting discussion with my daughter a few months back and we couldn’t come to an agreement. Her arguments weren’t totally wrong, and for me, I was just trying to teach my daughter a lesson, to embrace whatever that may come our way.

As I thought of this, I asked myself, do I have the right to teach her that, when I can’t even stand by my belief.

It is hard, definitely hard, and I keep telling myself that without hardship, without disappointments, without many many negative things and matters, we do not know what happiness is.

This is my new blog, Loving Oneself, something that I have been trying to learn for the past few years. I see success at times, and I do see failures too. It is not easy trying to understand what loving oneself truly means.

Finally, I am thankful that when my friend was at her worst situation, I was there for her, showering her with care and concern and helped her walk out of the valley.

Now she’s doing fine and loving herself, and I am thankful that I have been part of her life before.

19.08.2019

人生很奇怪。

曾经有人这样对我说过,而现在我不得不同意。

人生真的很奇妙,任何事都可能在任何时候发生,往往让人措手不及。从佛学的观点来看,这一切都是无常以及因缘和合之象。若是真正地思考,会觉得其中的道理无法否决。

我的一生算是平坦,没有大起大落。即便有,也都是无始贪、嗔、痴,从身、语、意之所生。若是我能够放宽心胸,放下欲望,我肯定会更快乐。

纵观佛法以及灵性书籍,看似易懂,实则难行。 有时我会联想到这与我们的信念有关,究竟我们是否真的相信,还是带着半信半疑的心态去尝试?

据说我们外在的世界都是内在的反映,因而有说法我们所经历的一切都是假的。听起来好玄,尤其是我们可以看、听、嗅、触碰以及感受,都是那么实实在在的,怎么会是假的呢?

金刚经里佛陀说:"凡所有相皆是虚妄,若见诸相非相,即见如来"。我很努力地去理解,直至今日。

在许多书里读过,我的内在还有一个"我",即是"真我"。那么我又是谁?我来到这个世界是为了什么?我的人生目标又是什么?

人生在世,必须预期突如其来的无法预知的事件,听起来很矛盾。即然能够预期,又怎会突如其来呢?几个月前,与女儿就这个话题讨论了一番,没有结果,她始终无法认同我的劝慰。她的想法也不无道理,而我只不过是想教她一堂人生的课程。此时想起,反而自问,我连自己的信念都无法坚定,有什么资格去教她呢?

人生很艰难,非常艰难。但我经常提醒自己没有艰熬,没有失望,没有所有复面的事件,我不会体会快乐什么叫做快乐。

这是我的新博客,爱自己,是我这些年来一直在提醒自己的一件事。有时候,我改确实做到了爱自己,有时候却又充满自责,想要真正明白与实行爱自己是那么艰难。

最后,我很感恩在我好友处于最低谷的时候,能够陪伴着她,呵护她直至她走出阴霾。

现在,她生活得很好,也懂得爱自己了,我很欣慰,更感恩于我曾经是她生命里的一部分。

19.08.2019

林顺源

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